Rough Draft: “Closing”

This is a rough draft of a short story that I wrote for class. I originally wrote it in the 3rd person but my prof suggested moving it to 1st person. Not so sure that I like the move but I plan on going back and revising it; perhaps changing the ending. Any suggestions/tips would be helpful. 

CLOSING

With only an hour left before close, the gas stations’ floor was mopped and clean. Not that it mattered, for after years of wear, the previously white tile took on a brown tinge that no amount of scrubbing or mopping could remove. Even so, they were mopped every night with one part soap for every two parts water. A slippery combination. So yellow signs dotted the glossy wet floor warning Mark and myself as we entered to be careful, but what the signs really told us, was that if we slipped we would not be able to sue.

Only 56 minutes left until close as the attendant stood behind the register staring at the clock, staring so hard that it appeared he was trying to speed up time with his mind. It didn’t work. He was so intent on watching the second hand make its agonizingly slow march around the white face that he failed to notice us enter the store. As the doors opened to welcome us into the store we were also greeted by the dull sound of chimes. Not quite a royal welcoming. He jumped slightly as the noise startled him but offered us the customary greeting he had memorized since day one, “Welcome to Kwik Trip, anything I can help you find tonight?” I waited for Mark to say something, but when a long silence followed the attendant went into the back room to pretend to do something important in a futile attempt to pass the time.

53 minutes left as we stood in the candy isle examining all kinds and types of sugar and sweets. The happy slogans and bright packaging were just begging to be purchased.

“I’ve never really understood the point of gum” I said picking up a pack of gum claiming to give me a just brushed clean feeling “I mean its not like you eat it or actually get anything out of it, you know?”
“I know it makes your breath smell like you didn’t eat a dead fish for lunch.”
“What’s wrong with my breath? And anyways would you rather me eat a live fish for lunch?”
“God you’re a moron…”

A clang rang out from the back room as a coffee pot fell, followed by an inaudible expletive from the attendant.

“So are you ready to do this?” Mark peered out at me from under his hood.
“Maybe I will have to buy a pack and try it out, the commercials always tell me that it will make me better with the ladies. Do you think I am a spearmint or a wintergreen guy?”
“I think you better make a decision about if you are going to go through with this or not.” The words came out of the hood as it turned away and walked further down the isle. “And quick, I don’t have all night.”

I looked up as the attendant emerged from the back room with a wet blotch on the front of his shirt. For the first time I really looked at the attendant and saw that we were roughly the same age, and from the open text book behind the register it was either his last year of high school or his first year of college. “Slow night?” I asked the attendant as suddenly the gun in my coat pocket gained enormous weight.
“Yeah” the attendant replied eager for the interaction “You guys are my first customers in the past two hours.”
A muffled cough emerged from the hood caused me to look down the isle at Mark. The cough was followed by the words “Hey come here and look at this.”
“What’s up?”
Mark pulled the navy blue hood further over his eyes burying his face in shadow. “Do not make friends with someone who you are going to need to kill.”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t understand why we need to kill him.” I looked over a bag of chips and saw the attendant reading the text book and glancing at the clock. 41 minutes left. “I mean we can just threaten him and get him to give us the money. We…” I paused “we actually don’t need to kill him.”
“You see that is where you are wrong.” The words shot out of the hood like knives. “If we don’t kill this kid he will call the cops on us…”
“But what if we just” Mark’s hand shot out and grabbed a firm hold of my arm cutting off my train of though.
“No that is what you don’t understand, and that is what I am trying to tell you. He is the only one here, if we go and shoot him the cops will not even know what’s happened until we are long gone.”
“But do we even need to do this? He said that he hasn’t had a customer for awhile, so how do we know there is even much cash in the register.”
The attendant looked up from his textbook “We are going to be closing in 39 minutes, not that I think that you are going to be here that long. It’s just that I wanted to let you know.”
I didn’t expect mark to say anything, so I looked up at the attendant and said “thank you.”

“Ok here is how it is going to work. Go grab a pack of your silly gum and walk up there like you are going to buy it, and that’s when you do it. Do it now, I am going to go wait outside. Got it?”

The word seemed to come out of somebody else’s mouth, not my own. “Yeah I got it.” Cold air entered the store as the doors opened and the navy blue hood left the store and melded into the darkness outside.

“Touch decision huh?” the attendant asked as I paced up and down the gum isle. “Too much junk food to choose from. You should try having my job, sitting here with nothing to do but eat all this crap. I’ve definitely put on a few pounds.”

“Yeah I could see how that would be a problem. I think I’ve found what I want though.” I grabbed a pack of spearmint and approached the counter reaching into my pocket.

“Not a bad choice, I actually really like that stuff.”

“Yeah, me too.” I said, setting the pack on the counter and pulled out my wallet to hand the clerk two crumpled bills. “You can keep the change. Hope you have a good night.” Picking up the pack of gum and headed for the door, the gun seemed to lose all of its weight. Stepping out into the cool winter air, I smiled as I unwrapped a stick of gum and started chewing it. Then looking into the hooded face I said “let just go home man.”